Shell Shocked: What to do with unwanted Christmas gifts

‘Tis the season for festive cheer, twinkling lights and, of course, that awkward moment when you unwrap a gift that makes you question the very fabric of your relationship with the giver. Fear not, for in the spirit of goodwill (and perhaps a dash of mischief), let’s explore the myriad ways to handle those unwanted or downright puzzling Christmas gifts.
Firstly, embrace the art of re-gifting. It’s the circle of gift life. That porcelain cat figurine with the laser beam eyes might not be your cup of tea, but it could be Aunt Mildred’s ticket to bliss. Just remember the cardinal rule of re-gifting: remove any trace of the original wrapping paper and ensure the gift doesn’t do a boomerang back to the original giver. Trust me; they’ll never suspect that the scented candle they gave you is now gracing the mantle of your second cousin twice removed.
If re-gifting feels too sneaky for your taste, consider repurposing. That tacky sweater your well-intentioned friend thought was the epitome of fashion can be reborn as the comfiest pajamas known to mankind. Cut, stitch, and voila! You’ve turned a fashion faux pas into bedtime couture. Bonus points if you wear it proudly during your next video call, just to keep the humor alive.
Alternatively, transform the unwanted gift into an objet d’art. Got a questionable painting that’s more eyesore than masterpiece? Channel your inner Picasso and paint over it. Create a new masterpiece that speaks to your soul, or at least, won’t leave your guests questioning your taste in art. If questioned, you can always claim it’s a bold statement on post-modernism; they’ll be too confused to argue.
For those with a penchant for culinary adventures, consider edible experimentation. That fruitcake that’s been passed down through generations as the ultimate gag gift? Turn it into a game. Challenge friends to a fruitcake toss, with the farthest throw earning a dubious prize (which might just be another fruitcake). Or, if you’re feeling brave, attempt to rebrand it as a trendy new dessert. Introducing: Fruitcake Fusion — because everything is better when it’s “fusion.”
Of course, you can always embrace the age-old tradition of regifting, with a twist. Host an Unwanted Gift Exchange party. Invite friends and family to bring their most peculiar presents and trade away. Who knows, you might leave with a garden gnome wearing a tutu, but at least it won’t be that hideous tie with a pattern that defies description. The joy of giving and receiving will take on a whole new meaning.
For the eco-conscious among us, consider upcycling your unwanted gifts. Turn that bizarre sculpture into a quirky planter or repurpose the novelty mug as a pencil holder. Not only are you decluttering your living space, but you’re also saving the planet, one ill-conceived gift at a time. Mother Earth would be proud.
If all else fails, embrace the power of donation. That singing fish plaque that left you questioning the sanity of your distant relative could bring joy to someone else’s life. Thrift stores, shelters and charitable organizations are always in need of donations. Just imagine the delight when someone discovers your donated item and marvels at the eccentric taste of the previous owner. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, in the most unexpected ways.
In the spirit of holiday mirth, why not organize an Unwanted Gift Olympics? Invite friends over for a series of hilarious competitions featuring the most absurd gifts. From a wrapping paper unraveling race to a blindfolded “Guess the Gift” challenge, turn the burden of undesirable presents into an evening of laughter and camaraderie. Bonus points if you can convince Uncle Bob to wear that neon green, light-up tie for the duration of the festivities.
Remember, the holiday season is about spreading joy and goodwill. While the perfect gift is a rare gem, the imperfect ones can become the stuff of legend. So, when faced with the perplexing, the bizarre, or the downright odd, approach it with a twinkle in your eye, a dash of creativity, and a hearty dose of humor. After all, the ability to find joy in the quirks of life is truly the greatest gift of all.
Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for the Sanibel-Captiva Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.