Shell Shocked: Shell collecting etiquette
Ah, the humble seashell — nature’s pocket-sized treasures that have been captivating beach-goers for centuries. Shell collecting is a time-honored pastime, but like any hobby, it comes with its own set of unwritten rules and etiquette. So, grab your bucket, stretch your back, and let’s embark on a whimsical journey through the uncharted waters of shell collecting etiquette.
– Rule #1: The Seashell Stare-Down
Picture this: you’re strolling along the shore, eyes locked on the ground, searching for that perfect seashell specimen. Suddenly, you lock eyes with another avid collector. It’s a seashell standoff. Who will yield first? It’s a battle of wills, a clash of shell-seeking titans. The key here is to break the tension with a knowing smile, a nod of recognition, and a mutual understanding that there are plenty of shells in the sea. In other words, kick sand on the other avid collector and make a mad scramble for the seashell.
– Rule #2: Shellfies and the Art of Shellf-Promotion
In the age of social media, no shell collection is complete without your pointing your camera at yourself holding the perfect seashell. We shall call the photo a “Shellfie.” But beware the cardinal sin of overshellf-promotion. Nobody wants to see your entire shell haul. Spare your friends the agony of too much self-aggrandizement. If you insist on showing off your seashell collection, you may as well pull out your stamp collection as well.
– Rule #3: The Seashell Serenade
We’ve all been there — you find the most exquisite shell, cradle it in your hands, and instinctively burst into a heartfelt rendition of “Under the Sea.” While your enthusiasm is commendable, it’s essential to remember that not everyone shares your musical prowess. Save the serenades for the shower and don’t chase the seagulls away.
– Rule #4: The Sanibel Stoop
To become an expert shell collector and outmaneuver competitors, you must be in shape to maintain the “Sanibel Stoop” for hours. The Sanibel Stoop, originated by Sanibel’s original seashell collector Abner H. Stoop, was destined to be the fastest and most efficient form for identifying rare shells and swooping them into your bucket before anyone can reach them. Imagine the joy of being photographed by the Sanibel-Captiva Islander and becoming famous overnight. You will become a hero in your hometown in Wisconsin and can await a ticker tape parade upon your return from Sanibel. And if, by chance, you can’t maneuver your body out of the Sanibel Stoop upon your return home, you can always explain that you’ve suffered a war injury. Imagine how many more tapes will be added to the parade in your honor. Yes, the Sanibel beach can indeed be considered a battlefield.
– Rule #5: Shell Shock Therapy
There’s a special kind of camaraderie among shell enthusiasts — an unspoken bond that transcends language barriers. When you encounter a fellow collector, don’t be afraid to engage in a bit of shell shock therapy. Share your favorite finds, swap stories of triumphant shell victories, and commiserate over the elusive conch that got away. Remember, it’s not just about the shells; it’s about the shell-shocked souls who understand your passion.
In conclusion, shell collecting is more than just a hobby; it’s a way of life. Navigating the uncharted waters of shell etiquette may be tricky, but with a good sense of humor and a willingness to embrace the quirks of your fellow collectors, you’ll find that the seashell world is vast and full of treasures — both in the sand and in the hearts of those who share your passion. So, go forth, fellow seashell aficionados, and may your buckets be forever brimming with the whimsy of the sea.
Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for the Sanibel-Captiva Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.