Shell Shocked: The Chronicles of Aging: A Comedic Odyssey
They say that with age comes wisdom, but what they don’t tell you is that it also comes with a side dish of hilarity. Yes, my friends, growing older is like attending the world’s longest and most ridiculous comedy show. So, grab your reading glasses and put on your orthopedic shoes, because we’re about to dive headfirst into the whacky world of aging.
First and foremost, let’s talk about memory loss. Ah, yes, the elusive art of forgetting where you put your car keys or your glass of milk of magnesia. It’s as if our brains have decided to play an epic game of hide-and-seek, and we’re constantly “it.” I once spent a good twenty minutes searching for my sweater, only to discover that I was already wearing it. My wife gave me one of those looks.
Then there’s the matter of technology. Back in the day, we had rotary phones, and the Internet was as far away as Pluto, and I don’t mean the Disney character. Now, we’re supposed to navigate smartphones with more buttons than a spaceship. My phone is constantly trying to outsmart me, and I swear, it’s winning. Auto correct? More like auto-embarrassment. I recently sent a text to my niece that said, “I’ll be there in a pineapple.” I meant to say, “a minute.” Pineapple. Go figure.
Speaking of technology, have you tried voice recognition software? It’s like trying to communicate with an alien life form that speaks a language only your microwave can understand. I asked my virtual assistant to set a reminder for my doctor’s appointment, and it scheduled a playdate with my neighbor’s cat instead. The cat never showed up, by the way.
And let’s not forget the joys of physical fitness. In my youth, I could do cartwheels, backflips and even walk on the ceiling. Now, the most daring physical feat I attempt is getting out of a recliner without sounding like a Rice Krispies commercial. Snap, crackle, pop — that’s my body’s morning symphony.
Then there’s the matter of fashion. In my younger years, I was a fashion icon, strutting my stuff in bell-bottoms, psychedelic prints, and Edwardian suits. Now, my idea of high fashion is a pair of socks that match. Who has the time or patience for fussy outfits when you’ve got a comfortable pair of elastic waistband pants that can take you from brunch to nap time in a flash?
And don’t get me started on social events. Remember when we used to go out dancing until the wee hours of the morning? Now, our idea of a wild night is staying up past 9:00 PM to watch the news talk shows. We’ve traded in disco balls for reading lamps, and I’m pretty sure our current idea about a heated debate concerns the best brand of prune juice.
But for all the quirks and comedic mishaps that come with aging, there’s something beautiful about it too. We’ve amassed a lifetime of stories, made countless memories, and learned that laughter truly is the best medicine. We may not remember where we left our reading glasses, but we’ll never forget the sound of children’s laughter.
So, here’s to growing old, my friends. May we continue to embrace the absurdity of it all, laugh at our own forgetfulness, and savor every moment, even if it means taking a nap in the middle of a conversation. After all, age may bring a few wrinkles and a few extra pounds, but it also brings a wealth of wisdom, a treasure trove of stories and the ability to find humor in even the most mundane moments.
And if all else fails, just remember: Getting older is like a fine wine — it may have a few corked moments, but it’s worth savoring. Cheers to the ongoing comedy show of life, one belly laugh at a time!
Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for the Sanibel-Captiva Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.