Shell Shocked: Walking on egg shells
Remember that old expression “walking on egg shells”? Well, we have all kinds of sea shells on Sanibel but we don’t have egg shells. Not unless someone had his breakfast on the beach, scooped out a hardboiled egg and dropped the shell.
Can you imagine the confusion this can cause to serious shell collectors?
“Hey, Mabel, I think I found a rare shell.”
“Oh, really? Let’s take a look at it? Hmm, sure seems different from the other shells on the beach. It’s a lot whiter and shinier. It looks familiar but I can’t quite pin it down. Let me look it up in the shell book.”
So Mabel drags out the definitive shell collectors guide and starts searching for a shell that resembles the one they’ve stumbled on. They both let their fingers do the walking for them. They search and search and can’t find anything that remotely resembles the shell they’ve come upon.
“Imogene, I just can’t find any shell that looks anything like this one. I think maybe we really stumbled onto a very rare shell. It must be rare if the book doesn’t include it. Maybe this shell was washed ashore from Mexico or something.”
The two women are scratching their heads in wonder. But they surround the whitish shell to make sure no other shell collector pounces on it and deprives them of the fame and fortune they’re beginning to think about. They decide not to take any chances and pick up the precious shell and place it gently in their shell bag.
They agree to take the shell to one of the island stores and get it appraised. They show it to the proprietor. “Hello, Madame, my friend and I wonder if you could take a look at this shell we found on the beach and let us know if it’s a rare shell.”
The proprietor takes one look at the shell and recognizes it for what it is — an egg shell. She immediately determines that the two shell collectors aren’t of sound mind and attempts to humor them.
“Well, well, ladies, you’ve got quite a find here. This must be your lucky day. You’ve stumbled onto a filiongus shell, one of the most rare shells in the world,” she announced.
“I knew it, Mabel. I just knew it was a filiongus the moment I saw it.”
Mabel wasn’t convinced. “A filiongus. I could have sworn it was more in the peticar breed. A filiongus is only seen once every five years. How much is this worth?”
The store proprietor had to think fast. “Well, it’s so rare that they’re not allowed to be sold. Sanibel statutes say that if such a shell is found it must immediately be donated to our island shell museum. But if you do that I will give you a special proclamation that gives you credit for your hard work and eagle eye.”
If they were not to be allowed to keep the rare shell, the two collectors certainly wanted the credit. They agreed to receive an official proclamation crediting them with the discovery in exchange for turning the shell over to the store proprietor. Mabel and Imogene left the store with their certificate and pride in their hearts. And the store proprietor had the rare filiongus, better known as an egg shell. What she did with it cannot be revealed.
Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for the Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.