Shell Shocked: You’re a man, my son
Never let it be said that Shell Shocked doesn’t tackle difficult, sensitive subjects. Today’s subject may offend some readers, so I give you fair warning.
Today’s subject is — when to give the keys to the car to your son. There’s no situation in a typical American family’s home that can cause more heartache, tension, stress, anger, and acne than when your son first asks you if he can drive your car.
You say to yourself, my God, he’s only thirty years old. Can I entrust the family Edsel to this inexperienced youth? Here’s what to do.
The first rule of thumb is to scream at your son and call him all kinds of names. That will help change the focus of the discussion. Tell him that he’s much too young to drive dad’s car. That the car is too big for him. Remind him that when he was five he fell off a bike. If he fell off such a small device as a bike, how can he be trusted to drive a big car?
If your son is goodness personified, and calling him names won’t work, tell him you’ll give him the keys to the car right now to show your good faith in him.
Hand him the keys and tell him to get used to the feel of them. Let him hold them in his hand a while. Tell him that once he gets used to holding the keys to the car, the next step will follow.
Try this routine for about three years. Let him hold the keys, get used to them and take them back. He may get impatient after a while, but your job as his dad is to educate him. Getting a feel for the keys to a car is a vital step in the process.
Finally, when you sense that he can no longer control his impatience, sell the car. So when he comes home from school and asks you for the keys to the car for the umpteenth time, ask him why he waited so long. Tell him the family car wore out before he did.
If you handle matters this way, your son will continue to worship you as the role model that all sons want their fathers to be.