Faces on Faith: Etiquette never out of fashion
“Civility is not a sign of weakness,” said President John F. Kennedy in his inaugural address on Jan. 20, 1961, a point worth remembering in discussing the controversy surrounding the refusal of NFL player Colin Kaepernick (and others) to stand during the singing of the National Anthem. There are many ready to defend Mr. Kaepernick, including the president, by acknowledging his constitutional right to protest, his constitutional right to free speech. But this deference to constitutional rights completely ignores answering the question, “But is it right, is it appropriate?” I would contend that it is not right, not appropriate, for “civility is not a sign of weakness,” and etiquette, politeness and respect are never out of fashion.
Sadly, we are living in an era where the niceties of etiquette and politeness are not only not valued or appreciated, but they seem to be completely forgotten. Our increasingly violent society appears to be coloring our public discourse, and accusations, threats and vulgar language, once relegated to the seediest of tabloids, is now used on the evening news and printed on the front pages of our newspapers. There is little civility in civil discourse and simple etiquette often appears to be a thing of the past. Whether one is in church, or flying on an airplane, the expectation of people wearing appropriate clothing and behaving in an appropriate manner is seldom realized. So many of the things that Mom taught us about wearing hats, chewing gum, and deferring to one’s elders are sacrificed to the selfish inclinations, which always put me and what I want first. And so it is, that even in the exercise of my legitimate right to protest I can lose sight of whether my actions are even appropriate. The street violence that so often follows legitimate protests of all kinds is sometimes quite simply a failure to remember the primacy of genuine etiquette in all circumstances.
And what about that etiquette that parents and teachers taught us should be part of our dealings with things patriotic, like the singing of the national anthem? Were there moments when that etiquette didn’t apply? Was our respectful standing with our hand over our heart meant to be a proclamation that our beloved country was perfect, without fault? I think not. Our respectful standing was a sign of our heartfelt appreciation for the fortuitous privilege of living in a country where the freedoms we enjoy are valued and cherished. It is a sign of respect for a flag that symbolizes all that is best about America. Even when there is room for improvement in our country, even when those freedoms we enjoy are not completely or evenly shared, there is never meant to be a moment when genuine etiquette and respect fall out of fashion.