Shell Shocked: A TV sitcom for Sanibel
“Sanibel is the best kept secret in the world and the new TV sitcom we propose will get Sanibel out of its shell.” The sweaty, nervous writer laughed at his own pun but noted that no one else in the room found his comment at all amusing so he continued to wipe his sweaty brow with his sweaty handkerchief.
His writing partner, Sy Barnes, flinched at the attempt at humor. He signaled his sweaty collaborator, Gus Edwards, to let him do the talking. The two TV sitcom aspirants had scheduled a meeting with the head of new program development of HBO and were attempting to sell him their idea.
“What Gus was trying to say, Mr. Walker, is that Sanibel can be a backdrop for a new situation comedy that could become a fall ratings leader for your network. Gus and I know Sanibel well and can attest to its natural beauty. Its got beaches, interesting local vegetation, great restaurants and lots of possibilities for beautiful outdoor shots.”
George Walker squirmed in his chair. Maybe it was a mistake to see these guys. But when they had mentioned Sanibel in their brief phone conversation just before this meeting, he had been intrigued. He was familiar with Sanibel, having vacationed there many times and he recognized the potential for some breathtaking backdrops, especially at places like Ding Darling Wildlife Preserve.
“Gentlemen, I’m aware of Sanibel’s natural beauty. But we need a plot for a sitcom. What’s your plot?”
Barnes and Edwards eyed each other. At least they were getting a fair hearing. As Edwards mopped his brow once again, his more dapper colleague took over.
“Picture this, Mr. Walker,” Barnes began. “It’s morning in Sanibel. The birds are chirping, the sun is rising and life is beginning to stir on this island paradise.
“Sally Bigelow is a widow in her mid-forties who has moved to Sanibel from the Midwest. She’s been in Sanibel a few weeks with her two teenage daughters to start a new life. Sally is up real early because she’s starting a new job. For you see, Sally Bigelow is an apprentice alligator relocator.”
Barnes and Edwards lean forward to search for some kind of reaction. Walker had been to Sanibel a sufficient number of times to know what an alligator relocator is. He was lost in thought for a moment.
“You mean to say that your main character will defy the usual career assignments we normally attribute to women and will instead round up stray alligators and escort them to safer grounds?” Walker asked.
“Yes,” Barnes replied with enthusiasm. “A woman moves to Sanibel to get closer to nature and raise her own family with those values. She wants to be sure that alligators are given a fair shake and chooses to help them get home safely.
“The series will focus on her humorous adventures as a woman alligator relocator, the people she meets in the process, the values she instills in her daughters and the need to keep our environment balanced and intact.
“During the course of the series, we’ll introduce some characters who would appear regularly, such as the genial postmaster, the tough but heart of gold chief of police, the cranky anti-feminist City Council member and the Sanibel historian who recalls the good old days.
“What do you think, Mr. Walker?”
The pause was interminable. Walker’s mind was working feverishly but Barnes and Edwards couldn’t fathom which way the wheels were turning.
Finally, Walker tapped his finger on the desk and stared at each of the writers in turn.
“A female alligator relocator. Shot in Sanibel. Two teenage daughters. Is America ready for it, I ask myself? Well, if ‘Veep” is at the top of the sitcom charts, then there might be a place for a female alligator relocator.
“Boys, I want to see the working script for a pilot two weeks from today.”
-Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for The Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.