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Telling his story: Cape Coral widow wants to help others facing PTSD

7 min read

On Sept. 7, the body of U.S. Army Spc. James Christopher Arney was found in a wooded area in northeast Cape Coral. He had committed suicide alone after years of battling PTSD and depression.

But the person created from those diseases is not the man his family remembers with love.

“It can and does happen to so many others,” his widow, Alexandra Arney, said.

She does not want another family to suffer through what hers has.

“My goal is to tell his story,” Arney said. “We were his world – he was ours.”

— Silence to fireworks —

Arney, 33, who family and friends called Chris, entered the Army in 2003. He was active duty for seven years, serving two tours in Iraq as a human intelligence collector. He met and married Alexandra in August 2008, after his first deployment. She said her husband was “kind of like an interrogator.”

“He experienced some bad things when he was there,” Arney said.

He watched as his fellow soldiers died, got caught in firefights and more.

“I didn’t know at the time,” she said, explaining that he would not talk to her about what he saw overseas because he did not want to expose her to it. “This all came to light after he got out.”

In July 2010, her husband left the military.

During his second deployment, he had had trouble sleeping and was sent home early.

“He said it was because of his insomnia,” Arney said.

She found herself having to push him on job hunting, even getting out of bed.

“It’s hard to pinpoint what happened,” Arney said. “He didn’t have any drive at all.”

But the real wakeup call for her that something serious was going on was when the family took a vacation to Disney in February 2012 – two years after her husband had been discharged.

“During the fireworks show, he started shaking and crying,” Arney said.

When they returned home, she contacted the local Veterans Affairs. Diagnosed with PTSD and depression, her husband began seeing therapists, took part in counseling and was put on a mix of medications. The drugs were to help manage his depression, insomnia and ongoing nightmares.

Even with treatment, he had his on days and off days.

“I would see glimpses of what I saw in him, his potential,” she said.

“There was a lot of strain on the family,” Arney added.

In September 2015, the family moved from their home in Miami Lakes to the Cape. She once again reached out to the local VA to get her husband into the system and was told he first had to take part in a 12-week introductory assessment program. He began skipping his appointments and his medication.

“I started noticing him not on anything,” she said. “The mood swings, walking on eggshells.”

A few months into the new year, Arney got him back into a treatment routine.

— Letter from a stranger —

On the morning of Sept. 7, Arney passed her husband as he exited their house and she returned. Under the pressures of everyday life, topped with his own battle, they were again at odds with each another.

“He had been acting off for a few days,” she said.

He was more hyper and more aggressive.

“He was acting not like himself,” Arney said.

Her husband, who quit drinking alcohol in an attempt to change things for the better, had picked up a bottle a few days earlier. He even told her that he had recently smoked marijuana, which he did not do.

“I was like, ‘Who are you? What are you doing?'” Arney said.

As she headed into the house that morning, she soon heard the front door slam behind her as her husband returned. Moments later, Arney found herself face-to-face with what seemed like a stranger.

“That look is something you’ve never seen,” she said.

After a few brief words, he was gone again and she found the seven-page letter left behind.

“It was a suicide note,” Arney said.

She read it in disbelief and confusion. There were parts of the man she knew, the man she fell in love with and the man she married here and there, but it mostly read as the babblings of someone unknown.

Arney called 911. Hours later, his body was discovered.

“My world shattered,” she said.

When police recovered his body from the woods, they draped an American flag over him.

“I kept expecting him to come walking out,” Arney said.

The hardest part for her, though, was telling their 7-year-old daughter, Eliza, that her father was not coming home. The couple also have a son, Evan, 3. Arney described the act as “heartbreaking.”

“The four of us, we were always together,” she said. “We made such a great team.”

“I don’t know what happened to him,” Arney added. “I just know this wasn’t him.”

— A guiding light —

September is Suicide Prevention Month. According to the 2016 Suicide Data Report created by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, an average of 20 veterans died by suicide each day in 2014.

Six of the 20 were users of the Veterans Health Administration’s services.

In 2014, veterans accounted for 18 percent of all deaths by suicide among adults in the United States. Four years earlier, veterans accounted for 20 percent of all suicide deaths, according to the report.

“Find a home,” Judy Souders, vice president of the Wounded Warrior Anglers, said.

She explained that veterans need a brotherhood or sisterhood support system, where they can talk to others who have been through what they have been through and not worry about being judged.

Founded in 2010 by Souders and her veteran husband, the Cape-based organization helps “Wounded Warriors” going through like situations and helps them realize they are still capable of enjoying life. Its services include emergency relief, handcrafted rod program and warrior, caregiver and family retreat.

According to Souders, active military usually are at the top of their game.

“When they come out, a lot of times they’re broken,” she said.

Arney agreed, noting that her husband felt valueless.

“That’s something that he touched on a lot,” she said. “That he felt useless and worthless.”

Because combat-related diseases are unseen, it may seem like people do not care.

“PTSD is an ugly unseen injury,” Souders said.

They encouraged caregivers and family members to educate themselves.

“It’s so unique to each person and each family,” Arney said.

“But if something doesn’t seem right, take it as a red flag immediately,” she added.

While caregivers may receive initial information, routinely go back to it.

“It’s something that gets lost,” Arney said.

She also suggested that family members find a like-minded support network of their own. After her husband’s suicide, she learned of and joined the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, or TAPS.

“Even though we have so much on our plate, make time to get a support group or get involved with other people going through the same thing,” Arney said.

“They’re my lifeline right now,” she added.

— One man remembered —

Asked to describe the man in her memories, Arney called him “an amazing person.”

“He loved wholeheartedly, without making any effort,” she said.

Arney added that it is one of the reasons why she first fell in love with him and why she stayed.

“He loved to laugh,” she said. “He loved to joke.”

A GoFundMe account, called “Christopher Arney’s Family,” has been set up for the family. The donations will help cover her husband’s leftover student loans, house and car loans, and daycare for Evan. Arney would also like to use the money to help set up college funds for their two children.

To donate, visit online at: www.gofundme.com.

For more information on the Wounded Warrior Anglers, or for assistance from the group, visit: wwanglers.org. People can also email wwa@wwanglers.org or call 239-257-3410.

Wounded Warrior Anglers is at 1490 N.E. Pine Island Road, Suite 5D.

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs also offers information and assistance online at: www.va.gov. Find resources and locations, such as the Lee County Healthcare Center.

The Lee County Healthcare Center is at 2489 E. Diplomat Parkway.