×
×
homepage logo
STORE

Shell Shocked: New Year’s Day to be celebrated in February

By Staff | Jul 14, 2020

Art Stevens

Dates are being changed across the board for events and happenings because of the coronavirus. Instead of the Major League Baseball season beginning in early April as it usually does it will now begin in late July.

The French Open tennis grand slam is beginning in September rather than at the end of May. Almost all professional sports seasons are starting at new dates. Our lives have been upended because we don’t know for sure when things will open up again. Given this background of uncertainty I believe that we should be just as flexible for other major dates in our lives as we’re being for sports.

I am starting a movement to change New Year’s Eve this year to Feb. 15. Think about it. If the virus continues to linger why take a chance on gathering huge New Year’s celebratory crowds on the evening of Dec. 31? Millions of people gather in public places throughout the world to celebrate the New Year. If we’re playing with new dates for other public happenings why take a chance on New Year’s?

Of course, I’m working on the assumption that the world will be restored to normalcy by Feb. 15 giving us an extra 45 days to get our act together. This means that we must have a cure for the virus by Feb. 15 so that millions of people worldwide can safely mingle to celebrate a new year. I acknowledge that Jan. 1 of each year is the true New Year’s Day but if we can switch a Major League Baseball schedule to an unprecedented start date surely we can do the same for New Year’s.

There will be no celebration on Dec. 31 this year. We will all stay at home and watch old movies. We will be sufficiently brainwashed to accept the premise that we’re not to be celebrating the New Year until 45 days later. It’s either that or the coronavirus.

We can’t stop with the celebration of the New Year. How about Thanksgiving? It’s far too dangerous to allow huge gatherings to count our blessings the third week in November this year. Imagine the hazards of slicing turkeys for multiple groups of people? We need to postpone the celebration of Thanksgiving to March 1 of next year. And Christmas will be delayed until April 1. All other holidays, religious or otherwise, will be postponed until next spring. We must all stay at home without ever leaving it until the virus moves on to Mars.

And, oh yes, there’s also Labor Day. Since no one really knows what Labor Day celebrates we should plan on skipping it altogether. To me it has always signified the end of summer and back to school. So what’s there to celebrate anyway? All Labor Day ever meant to me is an extra day off from work. Since no one works anymore there’s nothing left to celebrate. Okay, Labor Day, you’re deleted this year.

Now that we’ve corrected the calendar of holidays and events for the next year we may want to consider adding new ones that we can celebrate in the sanctity of our living rooms. I think we should establish an annual Coronavirus Day in which we celebrate the life and death of this dreaded disease to remind us of what we went through in the year 2020 and how we came out of it on the other side.

It would be our own version of the French Bastille Day in which we celebrate victory over enormous odds. Just remember that one day we will be able to celebrate New Year’s on Jan. 1 again. But until that day comes, stay strong my friends and wear your masks.