Poetic License: ‘The Night Kiwanis Books Expired’
(To the tune of “The Night That Paddy Murphy Died”)
O, the night Kiwanis books expired I never shall forget.
The locals went on an eating binge, some aint stopped eating yet;
The one thing that they did that night that filled my heart with fear,
They tried to trade the “two-for-ones” for whiskey, wine and beer.
That’s how they showed their respect for Kiwanis coupons,
That’s how they showed what bargains could inspire;
They said it’d be a sin and shame to not empty every booklet
And fill up every restaurant the night the books expire.
O, some restaurants on Sanibel tried to close that night,
But locals stopped the clocks and ordered everything in sight.
And what they had no room for they boxed in Styrofoam
To get them through high season when they’re forced to eat at home. (Chorus)
On Periwinkle and Gulf Drive, in groups of six and eight,
They tried to use each coupon before its time was late,
And one unnamed establishment accepted them for wine
But when they went to pay the check – they’d left the books behind! (Chorus)
For all this coming season in the year twenty-nineteen
Nary a single resident in a restaurant will be seen,
They’ll be spotted tasting at Costco’s and at Early Birds on shore,
But the likes of local diners some think they’ll see no more. (Chorus)
But wait till end of season when the northern crowd is gone.
New coupon books will be ready – the tradition will live on.
They’ll dine out every evening, every restaurant they’ll pack
With groups of locals shouting, “Kiwanis Coupon Club is back!”
From Periwinkle to San-Cap to Andy Rosse Lane,
They’ll be boxing what’s left over and drive the help insane;
No appetizer’s two-for-one, and some entres are too high,
It’s still fifteen off at Timber’s – few still remember why.
That’s how they’ll get through each coming fiscal crisis,
And keep their bellies full while all of them conspire
Once more to empty every Kiwanis booklet
And fill up every restaurant on the night the books expire!
This year Kiwanis coupons expire Thursday, December 20th.