homepage logo

Shell Shocked: How satisfied are you with our service?

By Staff | Aug 22, 2018

Art Stevens

It seems as if every time you visit a store or have a conversation with one of your service providers these days you get an email survey that asks you to rate the service provided.

I shopped at a CVS store recently and when I got home I found an email from CVS asking me to fill out a brief survey that probed into the service I got while in their store. I recently made a car rental reservation with Hertz and spoke to one of their phone representatives. I had barely put the phone down when I got an email asking me about the service I just received.

I now get them from physician offices, restaurants, investment advisors, airlines, acne removal services, cable TV providers and pretty much everyone I use to make sure my life runs in an orderly fashion. I had a phone conversation with my friend Ron recently and sure enough I got an email survey asking me to rank the quality of his friendship.

It began: Ron thanks you for being his friend and wishes to follow up on the phone conversation you recently had with him. Your candid input will help determine if Ron is capable of being friends with other people in addition to you. Please rate the following statements about Ron with number 10 being very likely and number 1 being very unlikely.

– If you had it to do over again would you be friends with Ron?

– Based on your friendship with Ron is it likely or unlikely that you would introduce him to your other friends?

– Is Ron a trusting, caring friend?

– Write in the space below all that you like about Ron. Please do not use dirty words.

– Is Ron the kind of friend who would take a bullet for you?

– Would Ron offer you one of his kidneys if your life depended on it?

– How likely is Ron to pick up a dinner check when the two of you dine?

– How likely is Ron to be an FBI informant?

– Is Ron a worrisome thing who’ll lead you to sing the blues in the night?

– How likely is Ron to leave crumbs on your dining room table?

– How likely is Ron to belch in public?

– Is Ron the kind of person who would collude with the Russians?

– How willing are you to accept Ron’s personal grooming habits?

– How likely is Ron to speak well of you?

– Would you buy a used car from Ron?

– How likely is Ron to borrow money from you and not repay it?

– Does Ron display courage under fire?

– Is Ron a friend who can be trusted with your innermost secrets?

– Is Ron more of a fair-weather friend than a true friend?

– Is Ron playing you along to get something out of you?

– Would Ron forsake you if the going gets tough?

– Would Ron share a mirage with you if the two of you were stranded in a desert?

Please return this survey before you contemplate ending your friendship with Ron so that we can better determine how Ron can be an even better friend to you before he begins his prison sentence for collusion with the New York Yankees.