homepage logo

Shell Shocked: Sanibel abuzz with news this month

By Staff | Jul 18, 2018

Art Stevens

Sanibel is abuzz with so much news during this generally sleepy July. The news runs from a mutiny over our water supply to children’s book characters showing up in Sanibel.

Let’s start with the good news. Sunshine Caf is coming back to life in Captiva. Waldo, the beloved children’s book character, will come to life also and visit some 25 Sanibel businesses on a mission to bring joy back to our community. Waldo will be accompanied by his longtime entourage, which includes Wenda, Woof, Wizard Whitebeard and Odlaw. Since I bypassed children’s books when I was a child and went directly to nuclear physics texts, I’m totally unfamiliar with these names. I hope the names listed here as friends of Waldo are correct. I certainly don’t want to offend Waldo in any way given the good nature of his assignment in Sanibel.

More good news: there’s a new restaurant where Rosie’s used to be. And another new restaurant on the site of the former Jacaranda.

Some bad news. Our local theaters will be dark in 2019. Both the Herb Strauss Theater and BIG ARTS are suspending performances because of budgetary constraints. There will be no plays, musicals or entertainers this coming winter. In addition, the Sanibel Public Library will also close for a spell to think through its interest in becoming a butcher shop. Late book return fines will be waived during that time period, which means I can hold on to my first edition of a Millard Fillmore autobiography somewhat longer. Much of Sanibel’s culture will be missing in 2019. We will be left with Netflix, spring training games, shell collecting and Trump tweets.

On the subject of shell collecting, Sanibel is in the process of training a new breed of professional – shell ambassadors. The idea is that Sanibel will send a seashell ambassador to each country in the world to promote shelling in Sanibel. The wonders of seashells will be taught to our ambassadors so that they can demonstrate the benefits of shell collecting over pickleball.

More bad news: Lake Okeechobee seems to be filled with chocolate syrup making our drinking water in Sanibel dark, murky and extremely tasty. The chocolate syrup from Lake Okeechobee is filtering into the Caloosahatchee River, causing a natural metamorphosis into Bronx egg creams. Sanibel vegetation is beginning to turn into banana splits, which are creating a panic situation for Pinocchio’s ice cream salon.

The Sanibel City Council is more focused on beach renourishment than on our water supply. Our beaches resist Bronx egg creams so that out of desperation daily tablespoons of cod liver oil are being injected into the sand. Hatching sea turtle eggs have been seen jumping ten feet into the air. The turtles are hatching at twice the size as is typical, but the sand isn’t responding to the renourishment treatment. Sanibel scientists will now try cortisone injections.

There is no truth to the rumor that Donald Trump wants to rename Sanibel Trumpville. Nor is there any truth to the rumor that Hillary Clinton is considering a run at mayor of Sanibel. Nor is there any truth to the rumor that Sanibel is being considered as the capital of Israel.

Aside from these fake news announcements, Sanibel is enjoying another lazy, peaceful and hot July. Life goes on.