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A solution to the traffic problem

By Staff | Nov 11, 2015

To the editor:

The beach closure at Blind Pass due to contamination by fecal bacteria and encroaching red tide provides the perfect solution to Sanibel’s intractable traffic.

The chamber of commerce, the city council and the Lee County tourist promoters can advertise; “The beaches of Fort Myers and Sanibel are the best places in the world to contract cholera, typhoid fever, dysentery and respiratory illness.”

The politicians refuse to seriously address the issues of water quality and traffic. They have done nothing about leaking septic tanks, municipal sewage overflow or agricultural fertilizers and pesticides.

The city council courageously increased beach parking fees, but refuses to erect signs on the other side of the bridge to warn visitors of massive traffic jams.

Despite claiming an ability to co-operate with Lee County, they will not work to increase tollway fees for non-residents.

We taxpayers must take matters in to our own hands; from January until April we can create world’s record traffic jams backing up to the airport to attract the politician’s attention.

It will work like this; groups of citizens slowly march back and forth across the pedestrian walkways.

Since pedestrians have the right of way, cars will come to a standstill. Visitors will be unable to eat jerky pork or buy a T shirt at the new Doc Fords.

Since many of us are deaf, we can ignore the enraged honking and continue our slow walks, back and forth, back and forth. Big Arts can form banjo, kazoo and harmonica bands to entertain the traffic jammed visitors with “Dixie”, “Yankee Doodle Dandy” and “The Camptown Races”.

Eventually a road enraged visitor from Ohio will smash us retired geezers like so many Flat Stanley’s.

The arrival of an ambulance and the big red firetruck will add to the confusion. Hopefully, the international news media will send reporters and television crews so the world will know.

Don’t go to Sanibel!

Dr. John Raffensperger