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Shell Shocked: Trying to put two thoughts together

By Staff | Apr 22, 2015

They say that when you get older your memory starts to go and that you can’t put thoughts together that lead to a logical conclusion. They say that your mind begins to wander.

I’m personally very grateful that I have my full faculties behind me and can think logically. I’m so pleased that I still have the ability to string a number of thoughts together. After all, isn’t that the definition of a paragraph a group of sentences that stand on their own?

I’m used to standing on my own ever since the day that I was asked to stand up in class and answer the question who discovered America in 1492. I did stand upbut I thought the answer was George Washington. The class laughed, which is when I got interested in humor.

If I had the ability to make them laugh by simply saying the wrong name, then imagine how many people I can make laugh by saying many wrong names?

But what’s in a name, anyway? Parents give their children names so that they can distinguish one from the other. After all, most people don’t name all their sons “Joe.” And “Smokin'” Joe Frasier was indeed a great champion. The fights he had with Ali were legion.

And speaking of legion, did you ever see those old movies about the French Foreign Legion? It seemed that every good guy was banished there because of some alleged misdeed on his part. But once he was forced to join the Foreign Legion, he quickly became a hero just like Cary Grant in “Gunga Din.”

Cary Grant cut a mean figure through the years. He was cool, cultured, suave and sexy. All of his co-stars seemed to fall in love with him. And speaking of love, I once saw Serena Williams beat someone love and love. In tennis, that’s considered a slaughter. It’s very embarrassing to an opponent not to win a single game.

But gamesmanship is still rampant in American politics. There are the Republicans, the Democrats and the New York Yankees. And the Yankees always seem to get their man. It’s an honor to wear pinstripes, and that’s why a lot of players like to become part of Yankee folklore.

Folklore is always a factor in how we conduct our lives. Part of our folklore is that George Washington never told a lie. And that he admitted it after he chopped down the cherry tree. Trees are becoming more and more scarce with the advent of global warming. And temperatures will continue to rise.

A rise in the stock market wouldn’t be a bad thing, either. There are lots of folks holding corporate stock certificates which have become worthless. You can use those certificates to start those embers going in the fireplace. And since when is a fireplace not a great idea? Except if the outside temperature is something like 100 degrees.

Then there wouldn’t be six degrees of separation after all. Every person you meet is bound to know someone that you know. It happens every time. Where are you from? What do you do? Oh, do you know so and so?

So and so is another way of creating anonymity. Some people want to stay out of the limelight and live as privately as possible. But that’s hard to do when you’re a rock and roll star like Lady Gaga or Mick Jagger. The public goldfish bowl always surrounds you.

What also surrounds you is urban life if you live in a city and suburban life if you live in the suburbs. Don’t all houses look alike in a suburb and don’t all the men need to wear suits and ties in a city?

There, I told you that my memory is unimpaired and that I’m perfectly capable of sticking to one subject throughout.

Art Stevens is a long-time columnist for The Islander. His tongue-in-cheek humor is always offered with a smile.