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Poetic License: Don’t Pat Me Down

By Staff | Dec 3, 2014

(to the tune of Don’t Fence Me In)

Oh give me miles, frequent miles,

Let me fly the skies above —

Don’t pat me down,

Let me wander over yonder

Just to see the ones I love —

Don’t pat me down.

I won’t mind being compacted

Into rows of threes

With the back of a front seat

To crush my knees,

I can fly like this forever

But I ask you please,

Don’t pat me down.

Unloose my shoes,

You can throttle

My water bottle

As a dangerous device;

But I refuse

To let you grope

Or even scope me

Just to fly your friendly skies.

I want to ride on a plane

Where they won’t inspect me,

And scan my private parts

In order to protect me,

I don’t look Muslim

So how dare they suspect me –

Don’t pat me down.

No, no, Security,

Don’t you pat me down.