Poetic License: GrandPopper Rap
I’m GrandPopper Rap and I’m here to say –
Rappin’ like Swing is here to stay!
Now the music ain’t much but the rhythm’s divine
And the words start to dance as we rhyme every line;
Though the language we use ain’t so pretty and nice,
Our play with the words makes you really think twice.
There are those who say Swing and Blues were better,
You could sing right along and no words were four letter,
And they made good sense when you were sixteen
And learnin’ how to ball on the village green.
It was hey bob-ba-re-bop oo-bop-she-bam
I’m a killer-diller yes I am!
Glenn Miller long gone but I’m still in the mood
For a fox who can trot with a do-or-dyin’ dude,
For a gal who can talk the Lambeth Walk,
Arch back to her hip while doin’ a dip,
Hey bob-ba-re-bop floog-i-ya mop-mop,
I’m lookin’ for a granny who can lindy-hop!
I’m GrandPopper Rap back from the time
The boys wore knickers and sneakers were a dime
And the girls wore lipstick which you got on your face
As you spent the night swingin’ just to get to first base.
Yes, GrandPopper Rap back from the time
Gangstas shot bullets and their hits were a crime.
When M & M was candy and hip didn’t hop,
When poppa loved mambo and momma be-bop,
When rock and roll was rhythm and punk x-rated,
And people hid in closets when they masturbated,
Before they declared Woman’s Gay Liberation,
And left all you squares one bisected nation!
I’m GrandPopper Rap, a slow motion rapper,
Ain’t got none of the time of a teeny bopper;
Your momma’s my daughter so her I can’t dis
But your poppa’s a bum who stole my little miss,
And spoiled all you grandkids by letting you wear
Pants fallin’ down below pubic hair,
Bras bustin’ cleavage from Gaps-R-Us,
Flip-flops with labels like Prada and Lacoste
Tattoos on your tummies rings on your noses,
You rap to the Rappers until the mall closes
Then go out dancin’ in your flip-flops
With boyz from the hood and some fly hip-hops!
I’m GrandPopper Rap and I’m here to say
There ain’t nothin’ clearer than the rap of today:
No hey ba-ba-re-bop scooby dooby doo
No hut-sut ralston bah Ba-ba-l,
No tipi-tipi-tin and mairzy doats
No kiddle-dee-divey too unless it floats,
No wop-bop-a-loo lop-a-lop bam boo
Foo-ra-de-ack-a-sa-ki and ool-ya-coo!
We got Rappers Delights like B.I.G.,
TuPac droppin’ Ice Cube in Cool’s Ice T;
Dr. Dre advisin’ Queen Latifah
Don’t let that Q Tip stick in too far;
Eminem White AKA Slim Shady
Meltin’ in your mouth when you lap your lady;
Signin’ up black rappers when their heat gets intense,
Makin’ five million dollars from just 50 Cents!
I’m GrandPopper Rap and the party ain’t over
For women past their prime I’m still Casanova.
And I see from your faces a look of surprise —
For this superfly grandpop, Viagra’s no prize!
So GrandPopper Rap is here to say:
Wherever I’m rappin’ it’s Oldtimer’s Day.
But if you think my rap ain’t age appropriate,
Pick up your remote and turn on your opiate.
I’ll tell you right now in a Grandpopperly way
Swingin’ rappin’ grandpops is here to stay!
‘Cause it’s hey-ba-ba-re-bop oo-bop-she-bam,
Hippety-hip hip-hop boogaloo bang bang!