Shell Shocked: The Worst Poem Ever Written
During a recent epiphanous moment while nibbling away on a bagel and cream cheese, which is when most of my creative ideas emerge, I decided to write a poem that would welcome in the New Year.
After reading Joe Pacheco’s weekly muses in poetry I felt that I too could take to this creative format and express my inner feelings as well as he could. It didn’t quite work out that way. I huffed and I puffed but what emerged is less Byron and more pre-kindergarten.
So here is the first – and most likely the last – poem I will ever write. Don’t be too hard on me. It is an earnest effort from a severely deprived poet-less writer.
Twas New Year’s Eve and all through Sanibel
Came the sound of glasses clinking that lingered a spell
An alligator and gecko were outside looking in
They studied the revelers and broke into a grin
For all of Sanibel’s species together would dwell.
This may be the worst poem ever written
With poetic ineptitude and lack of talent I’m smitten
With all due deference to island poet laureate Joe Pacheco
This verse could have been written by an island gecko
My rhyming has a low margin for error
Because writing a poem fills me with terror
But since this is New Year’s
And I’ve consumed all my beers
My heart aches not from angina
But from the year’s events both major and minor
While I spend my time in this island paradise
This also comes at a hefty price.
So if this poem makes no sense
And my writing is dense
Then try it yourself my friend
And may your rhyming skills ascend
Because what I’m trying to say
In this inimitable way
Is that Auld Lang Syne
Coupled with a foamy stein
Will help you make some wishes
One of which is not to do dishes
We have twelve months to go
To make plenty of dough
So that I can rent Traders
To satisfy my New Year’s invaders
But my question to you
Is what can be new?
If poems can’t end
Without more words being penned.
Happy New Year to all
Stay at home and not at the mall.