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Shell Shocked: The Worst Poem Ever Written

By Staff | Dec 30, 2011

During a recent epiphanous moment while nibbling away on a bagel and cream cheese, which is when most of my creative ideas emerge, I decided to write a poem that would welcome in the New Year.

After reading Joe Pacheco’s weekly muses in poetry I felt that I too could take to this creative format and express my inner feelings as well as he could. It didn’t quite work out that way. I huffed and I puffed but what emerged is less Byron and more pre-kindergarten.

So here is the first – and most likely the last – poem I will ever write. Don’t be too hard on me. It is an earnest effort from a severely deprived poet-less writer.

Twas New Year’s Eve and all through Sanibel

Came the sound of glasses clinking that lingered a spell

An alligator and gecko were outside looking in

They studied the revelers and broke into a grin

For all of Sanibel’s species together would dwell.

This may be the worst poem ever written

With poetic ineptitude and lack of talent I’m smitten

With all due deference to island poet laureate Joe Pacheco

This verse could have been written by an island gecko

My rhyming has a low margin for error

Because writing a poem fills me with terror

But since this is New Year’s

And I’ve consumed all my beers

My heart aches not from angina

But from the year’s events both major and minor

While I spend my time in this island paradise

This also comes at a hefty price.

So if this poem makes no sense

And my writing is dense

Then try it yourself my friend

And may your rhyming skills ascend

Because what I’m trying to say

In this inimitable way

Is that Auld Lang Syne

Coupled with a foamy stein

Will help you make some wishes

One of which is not to do dishes

We have twelve months to go

To make plenty of dough

So that I can rent Traders

To satisfy my New Year’s invaders

But my question to you

Is what can be new?

If poems can’t end

Without more words being penned.

Happy New Year to all

Stay at home and not at the mall.