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Shell Shocked: Clinky Moxford For Sanibel Mayor

By Staff | Apr 14, 2011

Clinky Moxford hated his name. He thought it made him sound like a cartoon character. And he envisioned himself as anything but. Clinky preferred to think of himself as a boy of destiny, a boy who had a dream, a boy who one day would become Mayor of Sanibel.

Even though Clinky was only 10, he practiced his political skills with his schoolmates and his evasive political spin-speak with his father. The elder Mr. Moxford was proud of his son’s ambition. After all, he thought, how often is it that a ten-year old knows exactly what he wants to be when he grows up?

“Dad, let’s do it. Please, dad”, Clinky begged.

“Okay, Clinky, let’s do it,” his dad replied.

“But with the microphone, dad. Like a real press conference. I have to practice.”

Mr. Moxford chuckled. He knew his boy was starting the long, arduous practice that would shape his future. Clinky had studied all the burning issues of Sanibel and loved to practice his skills as the subject of a press conference. He loved the feel of a microphone in his face.

“All right, young man, here we go,” Mr. Moxford said. “But this time I’m going to ask you really tough questions. If you want to be mayor of Sanibel you have to learn to think on your feet.”

“I’m ready, dad, I mean Mr. Lauer. Fire away,” said the boy who would be mayor.

Mr. Moxford spoke into his toy, hand held microphone. “Good evening, everyone. Today our guest is Clinky Moxford –“.

“Clinkston, Mr. Lauer”.

“Ah, yes, Clinkston,” his dad began. “Tell me, Clinkston, what would you do for Sanibel if you were elected mayor?”

“I would separate Sanibel from Lee County and make it into its own county. It would be called Sanibel County and it would have its own services. We don’t need Ft Myers. We don’t need anything from anybody. We can take care of ourselves,” the future mayor said.

“Interesting. What would you do about the causeway?” his father asked.

“I would close it completely and not let anyone in except people who live and work in Sanibel.”

“But don’t you think that Sanibel businesses would be hurt by doing this?” his father asked as he kept the microphone under the boy’s nose.

“We have too many businesses and too many stores in Sanibel.

Let’s have fewer people here so that we don’t have any traffic jams. My campaign slogan would be ‘Sanibel is for Sanibel.'”

“Most interesting indeed,” Mr. Moxford said. “It’s certainly a departure from what previous mayors have been saying. What about the culture in Sanibel?”

“I would open up more movie theaters, arcades and shopping malls. We need more places for kids to hang out.”

“What do you think about ecology and environmental issues in Sanibel?”

Clinky thought for a moment. “I think every home should adopt an alligator and take care of it. Our alligators don’t feel loved and wanted.

I also think that we should invite more birds to live in Ding Darling. We could get them from zoos and things.”

“And, finally, Clinkston, how would you improve the much heralded Sanibel school system?” Mr. Moxford asked.

“When the Minnesota Twins players start their spring training I would ask them to come over here to show us how to field ground balls.

That’s important to all the kids in Sanibel”, Clinky answered emphatically.

“Well, there you have it,” Mr. Moxford said into the toy microphone. ” You’ve just been listening to future mayor Clinkston Moxford who responded to the burning issues of the day. This is, er, Matt Lauer signing off for Sanibel News.” He turned to Clinky. “Great going, son. You’ll win in a landslide. How do you think you did?”

“Okay, dad. But could I build a mayor’s mansion when I become mayor? Rudy had one in New York.”