Make no mistake about it. When it snows six times in two weeks up north, all eyes turn to Florida.

And those of us in sunny Sanibel are very aware of the mounting pressure we face when the calls and emails start pouring in. “We haven’t seen you for a while and wondered if we could come down and spend a few days with you.”

This is the wistful cry of snowbound frozen northerners trying to do anything they can to get invited to the homes of their friends, relatives and almost total strangers in Sanibel. Who wouldn’t want to come down to Sanibel and visit when frostbite and shivers are the alternatives?

My wife and I get so many requests to come visit us that we almost feel we need to qualify prospective guests. We’re thinking of putting together a guest application form that includes such questions as: “On a scale of one to ten, how much suffering are you going through this winter up north?”… “Have you been to Florida yet this winter? If so, you qualify for standby status in favor of those who haven’t been.”… “Do we even know you? Your name sounds vaguely familiar.”

Every winter my wife and I invite family and friends to spend some time with us down here to get away from the northern winter blues. But how do you draw the line between offering a bit of paradise to visitors and maintaining some degree of privacy? After all, we don’t run hotels, although some house guests would believe otherwise.

When you have houseguests you’re obligated to become their social directors as well. We have taken our guests to all area landmarks, such as the Edison Estate and “Ding” Darling. In fact, I’ve taken guests to “Ding” so many times that the herons there know my name and ask me how my golf game is going.

Our houseguests fall into the following categories: those we invite and those who invite themselves. We even get emails and calls from people we barely know.

“You may not remember me but I once played men’s doubles with you for a half hour seven years ago. I’ve meant to call you for lunch ever since but you know how time flies and stuff comes up. Anyway, we’ve heard through mutual friends that you have a lovely place in Sanibel. This may be the time you and I can reconnect because, you see, my wife and I have heard so much about Sanibel that we’re thinking of vacationing there five years from now.

“We were wondering if we could stop by — say, for about a week — to learn about Sanibel and decide if we want to vacation there. Would it be asking too much for you to put us up for a week?”

My reply was simple: “Good to hear from you after all these years. Yes, I remember our doubles game quite well. I think you blew a line call on one of my serves. We’d love to accommodate you but, unfortunately, we have a long waiting list of guests. If you can wait until the year 2025 we think we might be able to squeeze you in.”

It’s always better to invite people down whom you know reasonably well, not the freeloaders who could care less about you but are looking for any place to stay in Florida so long as they’re not presented with a hotel bill. Having guests is a major obligation. You’ve got to feed them, shelter them, entertain them and create a schedule for them.

You’ve got to show them the sights, explain the Sanibel lifestyle to them and give them fresh towels periodically. However, we draw the line when house guests insist on our placing chocolates on their pillow before they bed down at night.

It’s very clear to us that you can have houseguests every single week during the winter season if you gave in to the not-so-subtle hints being sent by those angling for virtually free vacations. I think it’s time for Sanibel homeowners to unite on this common dilemma and develop some guidelines on how to deal with this pesky problem. Otherwise, we’re all doomed to being hotel-keepers while we’re in Sanibel.

For example, guests must be properly informed that they’re expected to pitch in around the house, like helping to set the table, clearing the dishes, or cleaning up after themselves. This is not a hotel. We are not hired help. Get it? Want to be invited back? Then “pretend” that this is your own home and treat it as such.

Once guests leave, we wave goodbye, cherish the silence and privacy that we have for a few hours and prepare for the next wave — which invariably comes the next morning.