Shell Shocked: Approval ratings run amok
What this country is all about is approval ratings. Without them we wouldn’t know whether or not to like somebody.
I think it’s time to bring approval ratings into our homes in Sanibel and into our local politics. If they work for the country, they can work for us here.
Can’t you just see the banner headlines in the ISLANDER? “Sanibel
Mayor gets 32% approval rating while the Dunes tennis pro gets 78%.”
What this means, of course, is that the mayor failed to resolve the controversial turtle nesting issue while the Dunes tennis pro taught us
how to do a slice serve.
Suppose we sat down with our wives and had this kind of dialogue
once a month…
“Dear, it’s time for your approval ratings. I’m pleased to say that, over all, your approval rating has gone from 62% to 63% since last month. The increase in approval is due primarily to the fact that I’ve been on a
business trip during the last thirty days and haven’t been home.
“However, 71% of those voting, namely me, find that your disposition is less sunny than it was, 86% have faith in your leadership ability in the kitchen, and a full 94% won’t go near your chocolate mousse.“
Wouldn’t it be great if we all walked around talking in terms of approval ratings?
“Good morning, Russ. Yes, 62% of us agree that it’s a beautiful day. However, only 41% believe that today is as beautiful as yesterday, while a despairingly low 37% are convinced that Saturday will be as beautiful as today.
“And, oh by the way, Russ, 71% of the people polled believe that I would greet you by saying ‘Good morning,’ while 27% thought I would say, ‘Hi.’ Only 2% were of the opinion that I would pass you by and not speak to you at all.”
The checkout-counter clerk at aisle number three at Bailey’s got the highest approval rating of any checkout-counter clerk in Sanibel recorded history. Among the reasons: she’s the fastest bag packer on the island; her cash register hums “God Bless America,” and she’s very generous in the change she gives back.
On the other hand, the toll collector at the Sanibel causeway recently received a 48% approval rating. The major reason? Because the motorists who have to cough up six dollars in tolls would rather spend that money on candy bars.
Imagine having a few too many at a local bar and the bartender saying to you, “72% of the people here disapprove of the way you handle your
booze. Ninety-one percent sympathize with you because they know that your favorite alligator was recently relocated to the Everglades; while 67% think you’re a pathetic wimp.”
There are truly endless uses for approval ratings in our lives, but 93% of you reading this column think I should end it right now.