Jack Bauer’s future in Sanibel
Do you know who Jack Bauer is? If you don’t then you’re not one
of the addicts of the TV show “24”, like I am, and haven’t been glued to
your TV set biting your nails for the past five months.
I haven’t been able to make plans to get out of the house on
Monday evenings since the eighth and final year of this series began in
January. Jack Bauer, as played by Kiefer Sutherland, is a counter-terrorist
agent who has gone up against some very mean arch villains during these past eight years. They include a fictional president of the United States, the
prime minister of Russia, and various crazed generals and dictators of make
believe mid-East and African countries.
The action on “24” is frantic and plentiful. In fact, Jack Bauer seems to be colliding with enemy agents of all sizes and shapes almost every five seconds. The final episode ended a few weeks ago and although the series is officially over after eight years, Jack managed to survive torture, nuclear devices, germ warfare, treachery in the form of White House moles and murdered lovers.
Jack is gone but not forgotten. Every community needs a Jack
Bauer and I believe that if the producers of “24” were to consider just one
more final installment in this epic series, it ought to take place on
I see the great, indestructible, highly principled Jack Bauer settling on Sanibel to keep up his cover. If he were to be found by any number of government agencies he would be taken out because of the terrible, dark secrets he possesses. But here in Sanibel, Jack Bauer can pose as an unsuspecting shell collector and never be found. In fact, it would be our sacred duty to protect him if somehow we discovered the identity of this peaceful looking nature lover. That would be the theme of one more episode of “24”.
Here’s the plot. A group of Miami Beach terrorists have stolen
the formula for blackened fish from Timbers and has added some rare spices
to it that turns the recipe into a deadly virus. Once consumed, this
chemically altered blackened fish recipe will cause fatal laughter spells.
It is so deadly that the entire Sanibel community will be in stitches.
These laughter spells can cause the entire population of Sanibel
to take nothing seriously anymore including the possibility of electing
brown pelicans to the City Council. To avert a natural disaster,
the Sanibel police chief turns to Homeland Security for help which in turn
decides that only Jack Bauer has the experience to find the blackened fish
virus and render it useless.
But they don’t know how to find him and they’re not even aware that he’s actually in Sanibel. They turn to Chloe O’Brien, Jack’s good friend and head of the counter-terrorist unit. Chloe is the only person who knows where Jack is but has been sworn to secrecy to never to reveal his whereabouts. Unfortunately, Chloe is blackmailed by some Homeland Security
agents who have found indiscreet photos of her eating dark chocolate.
The agents withhold dark chocolate to an anguished Chloe and she is forced to reveal Jack’s identity and whereabouts in Sanibel. The agents converge on Bauer just as he finds a perfect junonia shell on the beaches of Sanibel and persuade him to come in out of the cold to save the population
At this point in his career, Bauer believes that if he can rid the Sanibel terrorists of their blackened fish virus he might be able to cure Chloe of her dark chocolate addiction. And he has visions of “24” coming back for a ninth season.
Jack encounters a series of adventures that tests his very mettle. The action shifts from the stage of the Herb Strauss Schoolhouse
Theater to the waiting line at Mucky Duck, to the narrow aisles of the
Sanibel Library to the swamps of “Ding” Darling. Swarthy looking villains take
a crack at him but Jack emerges victorious.
When all is said and done, Bauer captures the raggedy band of
blackened fish virus terrorists, finds the antidote to stop the laughter
spells of Sanibel citizens, stops Chloe’s dark chocolate addiction and once
again disappears into the night, evading his capture by trigger happy feds
and finds peace and solace as a waiter at the Bubble Room.
And we all await on pins and needles to see if “24” will come back
for a ninth year.