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Humorist muses about the downsizing of Mickey Mouse – a tragic result of the economic downturn

By Staff | Mar 27, 2009

Have you heard the bad news? The economy is so weak that the management of Disney World was forced to lay off Mickey Mouse.

For the moment the jobs of Donald Duck, Pluto and Goofy are safe but who can predict for how long?

Kids throughout the country are howling in protest and a demonstration is planned for Washington, D.C.

The Sanibel City Council convened an emergency meeting to address this major loss to one of Florida’s leading tourist attractions and considered inviting Mickey to Sanibel to be the island mascot.

Meanwhile, Mickey was so devastated by the decision to downsize him that he’s gone into hiding and cannot be reached. Rumor has it that Mickey Mouse has taken to drink and is suffering from severe anxiety attacks.

Reaction from around the world was swift.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy issued a statement saying, “Worldwide climate control and terrorism now become secondary issues compared to the news and global ramifications of the Mickey Mouse downsizing. I have ordered the French Parliament to immediately stop the export of French Fries to the U.S. until a fair and humane solution is put into place to deal with the plight of this great American icon.

“If the Americans take this unprecedented step of firing one of its great global representatives, what could be next on their agenda? Banning the hamburger?”

According to reliable sources all Disney cartoon characters are staging a work stoppage to protest. Bambi and Snow White issued a joint statement:

“We reach out to our dear brother Mickey Mouse at this turning point in the struggle between labor and management. We appeal to President Obama and especially to his two daughters to help bail out the Disney Company so that Mickey Mouse can continue to be its number one ambassador.”

Past members of the Mousketeers Club were also up in arms. They threatened to boycott all Disney products and to burn their Mousketeer pins and ears.

Governor Charlie Crist was visibly shaken when he heard the news.

“This is a sad day for Florida. Now that we’ve finally overcome the election ballot scandal of 2,000 we’re hit with even more devastating news. Today, Florida is no longer the Sunshine State. It’s the Gloom and Doom State.”

Warner Brothers, an arch rival of Disney, released a statement from one of its own icons, Bugs Bunny.

“Eh, what’s up, doc? If this could happen to my good friend Mickey Mouse, it could also happen to me. I’ve given the best years of my life to Warner Brothers. Who’s to say that I won’t also be given the axe and presented with a gold watch for all my years of service to the studio? My ears are off to you, dear old pal, Mickey. We’re all in this mess together.”

Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, extended a public invitation to Mickey Mouse.

“Come out, come out wherever you are, Mickey. The great state of Alaska invites you to come live with us and become our state’s ambassador to Russia, which, as you know I can see from my house.

“Mickey could also help with my goal of turning Alaska into one great amusement park.”

As of this report not a peep has been heard from Mickey Mouse. With his considerable ego in tatters if just might be that he’s finding solace in the company of Britney Spears.